Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Scars and Sad Stories's been a loooong time since I updated this blog. Life has gotten busy and this is something that falls by the wayside.

Anyway, I was reading during my lunch hour today, as I most often do, and came upon a passage that I thought was beautiful, wonderfully written and made me do some thinking, so I thought I would share it. It's from "Little Bee" by Chris Cleave (which, although I've only read 1 1/2 chapters, I highly recommend).

"...I ask you right here please to agree with me that a scar is never ugly. That is what the scar makers want us to think. But you and I, we must make an agreement to defy them. We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? This will be our secret. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, I survived.

In a few breaths' time I will speak some sad words to you. But you must hear them the same way we have agreed to see scars now. Sad words are just another beauty. A sad story means, this story-teller is
alive. The next thing you know, something fine will happen to her, something marvelous, and then she will turn around and smile."

The thing that struck me is how often I hate my scars and sad stories. And I don't know if believing that they are somehow beautiful will ever make me love them fully, but I think, if I believe it's true, it changes (or should change) the way I think about the things that I've been through. The things that have scarred me, sometimes deeply. The idea that I can look at the scar or the sad story and be thankful that I'm alive...that I survived the experience, is beautiful. Because I think the outcome could have been different in some cases. And I'm not talking about physical scars here, but emotional ones. And I recognize that my scars and sad stories are most likely many people's happy stories. But I think we all have had things happen in our lives that we have not escaped unscathed. So maybe the scars are sometimes a good thing. They remind us to live because our lives could very easily be so much worse. At least, this is what I'm now telling myself in reference to the scars and sad experiences in my own life that I struggle to deal with.

Of course, my mind then goes to all the scars and painful, sad experiences I know people have had and I think that there's no way that scar can be beautiful, or a good thing. I don't know how to work it all out, but it's something I've been thinking about.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

New-ish Year Post

This is a much belated post. I've been mulling it over since the beginning of the year, which doesn't mean it'll be any better than it would otherwise have been, so don't get your hopes up too much.

Anyway, it's 2010 now. I keep thinking about how it's been over a year since I moved away from Colorado Springs and everything familiar and beloved there. I lived away from Colorado for then entire year of 2009. It feels like it was the longest year and the shortest year all at the same time. It was certainly an interesting one, from the first days that I spent with family in Florida enjoying sea kayaks on the bayous and the gulf and experiencing Epiphany in Tarpon Springs, to the last days spent here in my new adopted home of St. Louis. It was a difficult and exhilarating year. And while I don't know if I want to repeat the experience of uprooting to a place where I know no one anytime soon, it was a year of blessing and challenge and surprising experiences that I wouldn't wish away.

I'm so grateful for family and friends who endured my desperate phone calls when I felt like I just wanted to forget the whole thing and go back to what I knew. And for the new friends who have welcomed me with open arms and given me so many reasons to love my new home. And I have found many things to love here. It's a city full of wonderful food, parks, museums, festivals and so much more. I feel like I haven't even really begun to see everything there is to see.

So, it was a good year, even while it was a horrible year, at times. I look forward to seeing what's next for me in this new year. Hopefully it's full of amazing times with family and friends, old and new.

And I hope your new year has gotten off to a blessed start!